Cacuts Monday-Cactus 3 Ways

I've been watching too much Iron Chef Lately.  Happy Cactus Monday!

LOVE THIS

Mr Random Rooster

Sometimes there is just no reason for posting an image.  Sometimes there is no reason for creating it in the first place.  I'm afraid of roosters a little bit-they can be cross at times, and their talons are large.  But I thought this guy was really pretty.  I still do.

Six Word Saturday

Two carwrecks
One Day
New Record
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Car damage only
I am fine
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Illustration Friday-Entangled

I see merit in both of these for entangled-which do you like?

Surviving Thanksgiving

I'm not that original....google "Thanksgiving Survival" and you'll come up with thousands of hits.  I'm glad I did that (google) because I immediately got the sense that there are others out there like me.

First, my likes-I like being grateful, I like gatherings-just not at my house, not for days and not in big groups.  Hmm, maybe I really don't like gatherings all that much.  I like food.

Ok, I've sat here for five minutes and that pretty much covers the likes.

I don't like conversation closeness (aka subject you wouldn't discuss with casual friends) in big groups just because we are "family".  If the only communication we have all year is via facebook updates, don't ask personal crap, and don't ask it at the dinner table.  Survival tip 1: Say, "I'd rather not discuss" and then don't.  Tip 2: If you start giving reasons why you'd rather not discuss it, you ARE discussing it, so just leave it at "I'd rather not discuss."

If tips 1 and 2 get someone's panties in wad, let THEM make the scene, and don't be drawn in or participate.  Eventually that person will either get tired or someone else will jump in and say STFU.  Experience has shown, if you say you don't want to discuss something and then keep quiet, you will not take the hit for any ensuing drama.

Tip 3-don't host anything at your house.  You can't leave. When I'm ready to leave (I live near my folks) I make a point of saying "Well, I'm done for THE DAY, I will see you all TOMORROW."  I try to take my leave while I still have the energy and the will to go home and watch TV or read.  Waiting till I'm already in a fetal position in my head is too long.

Tip 4-have something in advance for people who want to come by later.  No, not drinks.  If someone ignores my clever tip 3 and says "we'll be down later" I say "Please don't, XXXXXX"    Depending on my mood I can come up with a variety of XXXX's, the flaming shits is always a good one, upset stomach, SWINE FLU.  This year, I myself am going with "I'd rather you didn't, I need my alone time."

The alone time only works if you've established yourself as an antisocial hermit beforehand.  It will otherwise cause concern amongst those who care and a new bout of nosiness for those who are nosey.  If you haven't done preliminary work, it's better to stand up and scream "OH GOD, I'm gonna SHIT", run to the bathroom and then leave shortly thereafter, pointedly saying "I'll see you all TOMORROW."

For years I just went to Mexico every year for Thanksgiving, and that is something to consider for future years.

Ok, truth is, I've always used the shit excuse up to now.  I promise I will use the "I need my alone time" and I'll post and let you know how that went.  Happy Surviving!

Oh, one other thing-if your family is not a close knit family-don't feel "strange" because you don't feel that closeness that we are "supposed to feel" on Thanksgiving Day.  You are not strange-it's a strange custom.  Just focus on what you are grateful for, eat a big slice of pie and do the best you can.

HAW-What is this all about?

A human celebration to be sure, something about eating turkeys and cooking.  I thought I would dress for the occasion and if I'm lucky I'll get a marrow bone.  YES-birds are omnivores as will as omniscient. HAW!

I would not like it if my tail was all big like that and flopped around behind me.  I like my cute little red tail  The woman forgot she zoomed in and there was a gap in my turkey tail so she dropped some text in it.  I don't care-as I have already stated, I prefer my red red pretty tail.

She gave me red wattles.  Much like blue platforms are not pink perches, red wattles are not pretty, sassy red tails, are they?  But, this is just for pretend.

OH, OH OH.  I'm a winner.  I won a bidding war on KJ's blog and Emily Rabbit will be getting jelly beans cause she had wayyyy more than 25 comments.  The woman says I am not to bid any more, I liked it so well I kept on bidding and winning over and over again.  It was for a good cause....cause I wanted to WIN!.

Lolo started it all with sending me my own ATC, and soulbrush sent a lovely portrait of ME ME ME.  The woman is going to give me my own section of wall and I will hang my artwork on it.  Or she will.  And I can look, but I must not eat the artwork or even nibble on it.  Or poop on the frames.  BAH.  Rules.

Dogs cannot collect art and dogs do not have CD collections.  They can only listen to MY CD's when I let them.  But don't think I am going to get all snooty and cultured....NO NO NO.  I still like to make farting noises and laugh too loud.  HAW!

KMAT-Spay and neuter your dogs people

I've seen the dogs in my neighborhood-very few are breeding stock by any stretch of the imagination.  Your female, who you don't intend breed, in heat, causes all kinds of chaos in the dog community at large-even in my pack of neutered males.

Your males are jumping fences and getting into fights.  Neuter them dammit.

You can go to one of the many low cost clinics-if you don't have time and 5 dollars to drop your dog off and pick it up-you don't need a dog.  Oh, yeah, they have to be vaccinated.  Can't keep up with that either?  You don't need a dog.  Disagree?  Kiss MY ASS.

Pets are not rights, they are responsibilities.  As an adult, what are you teaching your kids about responsibility if you don't take proper care of a pet?  Learning experience my ASS.  At least for learning the right lessons.  How is teaching your child to abandon an animal to the backyard and ignore its basic needs teaching your child anything about what he/she needs to learn to grow up to be a decent person.  Disagree?  Kiss My Ass.

Cactus Monday-Kitties and Cactus Past

Don't Worry, it's OK

I know I am bidding against my own pocketbook on KJ's blog....LOL.  I'm just having fun imagining what a bidding war would be like with Oliver.  He actually appears to like Solo, the new pup, and we are working at relationship building so Solo is not overwhelmed.

When Solo gets cool with him, I've got to work with Molly.  It's really holding her back in the house that she is afraid of him.  Dogs go through "fear periods" but she's been consistently frightened by him, and the devil takes him over when he sees her.

Oliver definitely has color preferences, and Molly is a red (or liver colored dog).  Moon, his buddy, is blue merle-very similar to grey.

We've had a hoot owl outside the window for several nights.  That upsets some folks, native Americans for one, but I love owls.  They usually end up near me anytime I stay in one place long.

I put the dogs up at night for many reasons, one more will be to let this guy hunt in my yard.  Not sure what kind of owl it is, it's not great horned or a screech, so it's probably a barn owl of some sort.  It's a single bird-I hope it finds a mate.  I love hearing them hunting a calling at night.

I've looked at couple of times at getting my raptor rehab license.  I don't know why it's fairly straightforward to get a falconry license but hard to get a rehab license.

I bought agility equipment for the big dogs for Christmas, but we aren't going to wait till then to use it.  Molly is in class right now.  I'm going to keep it behind fences though-they ate their tunnel they had before.  It was a cheap kids tunnel, well worth the 8 bucks!  But now it's time to add discipline into the mix-I'm going to need a heavy duty mixer for that one.

Six Word Saturday

Low carb crankiness
Soon will pass.

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In keeping with my dog training mantra of face the issue right now, right now in the midst of "food season" I am going low carb, Southbeach in my kindle, damn the torpedos......I even have concocted a low carb dessert for my T-giving table-the rest is no problem-I will not make gluten free dressing and viola-no carbs for me.

Truth be told, I had one bad cranky day and that was it.  Possibly because I decided if I was to give up sugary goodness, I could have whatever I wanted that fit the parameters of the program, so I did a little thinking and came up with low carb luxury food-Caviar and light sour cream on celery stix.  The next day my folks took me to a new Chinese buffet, where I piled up with seafood and veggies-yes, mussels, octopus and shrimp are low carb.

I see absolutely no reason or redemption in needless suffering.

Illustration Friday-Music

This is a reflection of the grey day around me, but brownie points for putting something out there, right?

 

HAW-A change of scenery will do YOU good...Me? Not so sure.

The woman is up to something.  She brought in my abduction cage.  I have three cages-a nighty night travel cage, an abduction cage where I am housed when I am abducted so the woman can go away, and my regular cage.

First she sat up a big silver cage on the floor and put a strange furry dog in it.  MY cages, my birdy bird cages, are black.  Always black.  But I like shiny things. Yes yes, and this was a big shiny shiny with a moving blob of fur in it.  So, she got a perch out, and carried me over and I didn't think it was close enough so I FLEW over to the silver cage and walked all over.  HAW-that little fur ball went nuts!  Oh yes.

So, I walked on it some more until the woman made me quit. Hmph.  THEN she brought in my abduction cage (with my travel shiny in it-yes yes yes!).  She put it right by the shiny silver fluff dog cage and told me, ME to be nice.  Nice? I'm always nice.

I wasn't going to like it, but I can see the TV better and watch the fluff dog and see the mail person and the street stuff happen-so FINE.  I will like it.  As long as I get my apples and craps, who cares.  Besides, I can still SEE my other cage.

Today one of the neighbors rang the doorbell, and I yelled "BE QUIET" and he left, and then the woman had to go out and explain it was me.  OH YES....that was fun fun fun.  I am going to yell every time someone comes to the door-I yell at the mail person too.  I like yelling at people even more than yelling at the dogs.

Does she really think I don't see through her clumsy plan to make me forget that in that other cage is a blue platform where my pink perch used to be?  I AM flattered she has gone to all this trouble to make me feel better about the blue platform, even to the fuss and expense of purchasing a small furry animal to amuse me.

But really, does she think I don't KNOW?

HAW-I know all.

KMAT-Aging and Creepy Mailing Lists

Today is my birthday-I'm 49.  SHIT.  Kiss My ASS.  How did that happen?  I dunno.

Anyway, I'm on what may be the creepiest mailing list ever-the list of people who have dead loved ones that R****haven has buried somewhere.  Periodically they send me notices for general memorial services in case I just want to go sit around with other people who have dead loved ones they (R-haven) has planted.

In today's flyer was an order form for holiday wreaths.  I cracked up.  John didn't like holiday decorations in his house or later his rooms, I doubt he'd want a red wreath dangling from his tombstone.  For one thing-it isn't allowed in the military cemetery....if I snuck one in-well, I won't.  CREEPY HOLIDAY MARKETING-KISS MY ASS.  I can't believe business is so slow they'd have to drum up business from former customers.  Ewwwww.   Ewwwww! KMA.

Cactus Monday-Cactus Dreams

Everybody sometimes dreams of being something we are not.  Maybe cactus dream of becoming Lily's.  Wouldn't it be odd if Lily's dreamed of becoming cactus?

Six Word Saturday

Drawing a blank
in my head......

Illustration Friday-Balance

Our beloved Mim is on a never ending quest for balance and enlightment.

Others we have lost

I seem to get news quite frequently of pet losses, and they remind me of my own.  When I was writing this poem, for them, and for my own loves, I thought of this gull.  I met him my last day in Provincetown, I was having lunch at Bubala's and he thought it a good idea to share some of my leftovers.  He seemed to know me.

Anyway, here is the poem for those constant companions who have left us.

No hole in my heart where you were

Just a place that's only for you

Keeping you near, always near

My friend, you always knew my name

Never apart, never apart

We will never be apart

There's a place in my heart just for you

My friend, you always knew my name

Seasons change, come and go

People, places, names and things

Nothing stays the same

My friend, you always knew my name

Maybe we have this one life
If we'll have more, I can't say

But this I know, I know for sure

My friend, you always knew my name

Apropos of Nothing

I'm off to get Solo today but I wanted to leave something behind so you guys would know I'm thinking of you.

I took the base shot in Salem, drawn to the linear quality of the building and the icon, and the strangeness that Salem would have THIS in the town center.  Ok, I don't get out much.

But, when I opened it up again, I swear it looked like Jesus and the tree were having a nice chat.  So I enhanced that aspect.  I apologize in advance if it offends you-I'm sure Jesus knows I didn't mean any harm.

HAW-The BIUE perch is still there, I'm coping

Yes, yes yes-it's still there and I'm still sleeping in my green extra food bowl.  Who cares?  I like my pink perch so I throw my food on the floor of my domain and then go down and sit on my pink perch (which used to be up high and I could sleep on it) and eat.  So there.

Do you see me me ME ME ME?  I was offended at all the pictures going up that were NOT ME and the woman made me over in the style of the Great OZ-where his head floats and scares the cowardly lion.  HAW!  That's good-I'd do that too and I'd laugh and say "what's your problem, huh?"

The woman has been nice to me this week.  She let me watch Einstein the pretty little grey girl on her 'puter.  I sat next to her on the bed, and the 'puter sat on her belly and she pushed the buttons to make picture of Einstein come up.

I am not allowed to play on the computer or touch the cords.  I'm not supposed to touch any cords unless they are in my cage, then they are MY CORDS and I can touch them.

The woman has put a funny cage without a top on the floor.  It's gold (eww) and she calls it an ex pen.  She says it's not for me.  I disagree and I like to climb on it.  The Moon was in a cage like that once when he was much much smaller.  Now he's big BIG.  And the Molly is even bigger-but she's still afraid of me and I like it that way.  MY pens, mister bird pens, are black.

The woman did this on purpose (with intention as she says) so that I would always know it's "Ok" to go on a black pen.  Birds are in black pens, dogs never are.

But, she messed up.  The big dogs roughed up their night crages (she calls them crates) and she didn't want to order black ones-so she ordered new matching silver cages.  After she bought and paid for them, she realizes chrome sets off the Moon's OCD-so now she's debating on whether to try to work with it and desensitize or just replace them.  But SHE doesn't like the gold ones (neither do I) and of course they can't be black.

 BLACK belongs to ME ME ME, and you know that color matters to ME.  If she tried to put me in a silver cage, oh no no no.  Not going to happen. Not me, mister bird.

How will this all end?  Frankly, I don't care.  Not my problem.  But isn't it strange, I ask you, that she puts a BLUE platform in my BLACK cage, and suddenly she is besieged and buried in silver, Moondog activating cages?  Hmmmm, it's really best to not mess with Mister Bird, is it?

HAW!

KMAT-Going in to the store for one thing and coming out with more

Sunday, I went to Bed Bath and Beyond to buy some more Copco mugs that resemble Starbuck mugs. Starbucks has a glass version-but really SB, WHO carries glass in their car?  But, I love the whole lid thing-because yes, I'm a spiller of epic proportions, combine that with birds flying, dogs a barking, old people-and yes, lids are a good idea.

What the hell was I talking about?  Needless segues that take on a life of their own, KMA.

So, two hours later, I roll out of the store with a Mustang Back seat LOAD.  Yes, it's true, I had been intending to buy a new pillow and a bed wedge, and a small humidifier for my bedroom.  I needed the random serving dishes and I had been looking for a little melon baller spoon to make Prozac meatballs for Moon.  I've been moaning about wine going bad, so I bought a new-fangled stopper that is supposed to do the trick.  So, three hundred and lots dollars later, I roll out with my cups.  KISS MY ASS.

I was so annoyed with myself I went to Pier One to pick up little spoons they left out of my sack last week and I said "To HELL with it"  and bought the trays I needed for Thanksgiving and the wine glasses I needed n case I am able to drink wine and then went next door and replaced the house shoes I left in P-town when I got locked out of my room because I went to the beach in my house shoes.  Not having house shoes?  I think NOT-KMA.

I did the same thing at the hardware store.  YES.  Hardware store, earlier in the week.  I went to buy a new lock and bolt cutters (to remove the old lock) and came out with bolt cutters, a new lock, 6 keys for said new lock, a mini hacksaw, blades for the hacksaw and last but not least, a dog chuck-it.  They were having a 20 percent off anything that fits in the sack sale-so I am now ready to break into to Fort Knox AND tire out my dogs.  KMA retail stores luring me with your stupid sacks.

And the worst thing about is, it's never done.  EVER.  Things wear out, they have to be replaced, a new better model comes along, I suddenly have the need to saw may way out of something that is too big for the mini-hacksaw to handle.  You know.  The sheer neediness of life.  KMA.

But isn't my mammoth ass to die for?

Ancient Cacti

Prior to thorns, ancient cacti evolved an almost reptilian hide to protect themselves.   Hollowed out, they made lovely sushi wrappers.

P-Town Teaser Photo

Don't you just LOVE the seagull in my header?  I was going to make him a picture, then I decided to promote him to header-please don't mention this to a certain Mr. Birdy Bird Bird.

I can't even lie and say it reminded me of Oliver-I really felt like this fellow was channeling Jonathan Livingston Seagull, but for all I know his name was Horrace Raymond Scuppernog.

Museum Evening was great.  The band was the best surprise, and I don't know why I was surprised.  Norman has hatched some pretty well known talent.  The dessert selection, though pretty, posed no real threat to my dieting efforts.  It wasn't OMIGOD good.

The panoramas photographed really really REALLY well.

But, of course my faves were the BONES!

I love ancient bones.

  Ok, one more bone photo.

 The mandatory Mammoth in the Rotunda and a random couple of people.           A painted leather saddle bag. A distant relative, me and Denise.

The Aids virus.

Creepy, huh? It was actually kind of pretty, but appearances are often deceiving, aren't they?A diatom.  They make your toothpaste rough (Denise told me that).I loved the beadwork.  I also love the ancient people's exhibits.

Oh, I'm sorry, did you want to see more P-town?

Isn't this lovely?

What about this?  Or maybe this?

So easy to just pull random photos off the disc-everyone is a good one.

Happy Sunday!

Six Word Saturday

Drinks, Dinosaurs, Dessert
Tonight at Seven
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Going to a thing at the museum of natural science.  Dinner first so we don't  get silly with the desserts.  Museum is open and it's adults only-T-Rex, here I come~

Illustration Friday-Blur

We've all that those morning's after.  Sorry about all the bad link issues.

Meet Solo

I knew better than to introduce Solo on Oliver, err animal Wednesday.  Oliver, in fact, doesn't know about Solo yet, but they will become acquainted soon enough.  I let Oliver sponsor the crate training of Moon, and not Molly, and Molly STILL doesn't trust Oliver as far as she can spit him.


Solo is a rough coated border collie and he's a very large boy.  He was the only pup in his litter, firstborn son of Cinch (Lockeye It's a Cinch) a half brother to Moon and Molly.  That makes Solo a nephew of theirs.  Solo comes to live with us next week.

Molly is in agility training now-just beginning to see if she likes it.  Moon and I are working together on Freestyle (dancing with dogs) moves to see if its possible for us.

Greta got a new collar today-it's soooooo cool.  It's two chain links woven into a buckle collar, with ribbons in between.  If Cody chews THAT one off her I am going to rename him Cujo.

HAW-My World has turned Upside Down

I knew the woman was up to something.  She brought in some safflower seeds and let me out to fly around a bit.  She took down my pink sleeping perch....THEN she took IT out of the bag.  BLUE.

She put a blue platform in the sleeping corner of my big cage. My sleepy perch is pink.  My cage is black.  BLUE?  NO NO NO.  I climbed right to the top of the cage and sat there.  She went down the hall....and stayed.

I couldn't even watch Leno.  I flew down the hall to discuss it with her.  She let me eat peanuts off her belly and when I put my head down she'd give me T-Touch massages, Oliver style.  Then she said NI NI and tried to put me in the cage with the blue thing.  OH NO NO NO.

She got stern and said "Now Oliver, don't be silly".  SILLY?  Silly?  What is silly?  I don't think I am silly.

I went inside, hung upside down from the roof and held my wings out-time to make myself look BIG.  Then I made little chirping sounds like a baby bird.  That always does it.

When she bought that awful pink ladder I hated, I just had to act afraid of it, and she'd take it away.  But now, for some reason she thinks I need to work through it.

If she wasn't going to watch me be afraid, I decided I might as well turn my back on the blue platform and pretend it wasn't there and eat my safflower seeds.  My pink perch is in the cage but it's not in the sleeping spot.  It's low.  I sleep up high in the corner.

I sleep up high in the corner on a pink perch.  In my travel cage I sleep in the middle on a big perch that looks like a fossil.  It is brown.  When I was abducted, my sleeping perches went with me.  Do you follow my train of thought?  At no point have I mentioned a blue platform, much like the one residing in the spot where my pink perch should be.  Should be.  Not is. NO NO NO.

There it is NOT.  It IS where it doesn't belong.  Down low.  Perches don't belong down low.  Pink sleeping perches never ever ever EVER belong down low by the extra seed bin.

She did not move my shiney toy-and damn her, she put a treasure box with a treat in it right on the blue thing.  As if she thinks I won't notice that I'm standing on a blue thing that is right where my pink perch would be.  No treat box in the world is that good.  OH no no no.  GOOD LORD.

Besides, if I want it I can just hang upside down snag it in my beak.  What kind of fool does she take me for?

She said "Popeye has a sleeping platform and he really likes it."  Well, yes he does, and yes he does.  And it's green and his cage is green and it matches and it's probably been there for 30 years and by the way, I'm NOT POPEYE.  I'm me me me, Mister BirdyBirdy BIRD BIRD.

Go stick a blue perch in where Popeye's green platform is now and see how he likes it. NOT AT ALL.

People should stick to bringing me craps and peanuts and rubbing my head.  I"M NOT HAPPY-can you tell?  Huh?

KMAT-Christmas decorations already up-on houses

I tolerate it because I have to, and because I understand the stores have to sell in advance of Christmas Day.  "It" being the early arrival of decorations.  I spotted a few in August along with the arrival of Halloween and Thanksgiving stuff.  The economy is slow-people need to think in advance.

Or do they?  If you are worried about your job next year, should you really buy $300 worth of ornaments THIS year?  I don't know and I don't care-I tolerate it.  I don't even break out in a cold sweat the first time I see the glitter and glitz of red, green and white silvery ....OK, let's just say I tolerate it as best I can.

On my way home tonight (Monday) I saw two houses with lights a blazing.  They had not left them up all year, no these were newly hung and lit Christmas lights.   I agree-the weather's been great-it's not a bad idea to put them up while it's warm.  I myself, should I decide to do lights, may even do so.  But LIGHT them?  NO.  KMA.  Am I being intolerant?  No, I'm not telling them what to do with their lights, I am telling them what to do with my ass.  Kiss it.

I boycotted Halloween Candy handouts this year.  Bought some candy, but turned my lights off and tossed it on a shelf for Thanksgiving.  (York peppermint patties will go nicely after dinner with coffee).  I seriously do not like the attitudes of the kids who came to my door last year, greedy ill mannered little waifs.  And the parents.  The parents rarely said thank-you nor directed their kids to.  No thanks, don't want to play.  Halloween Scrooge?  Oh well, Kiss My Ass.

I also question the handing out of substances I try to avoid myself and encouraging kids (as if they needed it) to stockpile candy.  Halloween needs a revamp.  Till then, Kiss My Ass.

I'm trying to get in the Thanksgiving spirit, whatever the hell that is.  I'm going to cook dinner at my house, painful though that may be.  Too many gluten laden dishes will put me out of commission for the rest of the weekend, so I'll do my part.  I planned my dishes, bought suitable vessels for those dishes I had planned but had not a suitable vessel in which to prepare them, and hit the the after Halloween Sale at Michae';s and bought myself a big old half price wicker cornucopia and a hundred dollars worth of other stuff I couldn't leave the store without.  Hideous half price cornucopias, luring me in-Kiss My Ass.

I'm hosting a Centerpiece contest (a fun thing) on another website and even giving away fabulous prizes.  For those not crafy-I included a Fantasy category wherein the person could draw a picture or describe what they would do if they could do it-it being build a centerpiece.  First posting was a complaint-"I can't rub two sticks together" well, Kiss My Ass and read the instructions before you complain.  Whiney ass people can Kiss My Ass.

Now I did say fabulous prize, but it's a group of WLS patients, they know I'm paying for it out of my ass pocket and it's in the middle of Holiday season-HOW  fabulous could it BE?

 Remember when Billie Jack talked about how he tried to be a more peaceful person but then he couldn't and he whopped that dude right upside the head with his foot?  That's kind of how I feel.  I'm trying, oh yes, I'm trying hard.          

Photo credit is due to KJ-who took this lovely ass view in Provincetown.  MY Ass should be so fine.  The dog was 10 years old, so she's about my age in dog years.  Hmph.  Kiss My Ass Old age.